pedestal

restless. i have this feeling that my hands are empty despite all the things my fingers have been grasping at the past year. i have come to the conclusion that i am nothing without Christ. i was under the impression that i could fufill myself through this daydream i had placed on a pedestal. but i was wrong. from beneath the daydream i could see this radiance highlighting the edges of it but everytime i climbed up to see it closer, i found the radiance had disappeared and left a dim impression in its place. why is that i seem to forget the dim-ness once i've climbed down from the pedestal again? why is it i so quickly forget that it means nothing without Christ pushing me towards it. i pray i will not be so quick to forget His radiance does not fade, so quick to ignore His voice in its fullness, so quick to content myself with this fickle daydream. Lord forgive me.