flood

I caught a glimpse of what people in New Orleans must have felt like as they watched their belongings washed away, and later were forced to pick up those pieces...it was a very small glimpse of that but it was a burden all the same...my basement flooded due to a huge thunderstorm and because my family is waiting to move, alot of our boxes were stored down there...my face crumpled throughout the process of mopping up the water because with each infected, watery box, some family treasures had been soaked...perhaps it seems silly to mourn books, but I have a great love of them, especially our children's books from england--I dunno, they pull me back to times of reading with my parents, and to see them soaked and sticky with water tugged at my tears...while wiping off several old photos of my parents, a piece of me felt like it was being torn but I was numb and I couldnt' feel it and it occured to me that it was the same sort of feeling I would expect to feel one day when my parents weren't around any more...the idea startled me and I felt quite peturbed at the sense of it, but at the same time I felt numb to the emotion it would entangle...

thanks to mr. huizenga, he and I finished mopping up the basement in a much quicker time than I would have been able to accomplish on my own...I think, had I been forced to face it on my own, I might have cried throughout the process...but with his aid and the busyness of moving boxes I numbed my way through the experience and it was only when we got back to the concert at the huizengas and cait and jen sidled up to give me a hug, that the numbness took its leave...a few tears and explanations did the trick and I was able to cast the memory aside for the rest of the night...

I think, in hindsight, only a few things were messed up..it's interesting, what experiences pull at our emotions, sometimes teaching us a few things about others' experiences, like the concept of a real flood...I think as a kid I always pictured a flood like a big wave pool in the house, but now its sunk in as entailing so much more...sigh...the things we learn

open invitation

my friends captivate me...a strong word: captivating; but I believe it holds true for last night's event...it was an open invitation to be entranced by a string of delightful people who chose to simply 'be'...let me explain..picture an old scarred barn, that from the outside would seem like any other barn were it not for the skateboard ramps that invited one up to a door that occasionally was slung open; light spilling its way out with the strains of music and laughter.....

inside, both the stage and the seats were more skateboard ramps, and people were sprawled all over the lower ramps, tucked into corners of rafters, legs dangling freely off higher ramps...so there we all were, occasional dancers would jump up to spin and twirl with the melodies, cheers erupted at the sight and giggles slipped their way into the dance's texture...each musician that greeted the stage, tackled the ramp with their own speed in hopes of reaching the top to grant the audience the songs they expected...dawna truly captivated us with a new song of hers and I found myself with an equal invitation to be spellbound at her words...

due to a flooded basement I missed the majority of the magic...but the magic remained til the very end, holding us all on the hard sloped floors til the last melody had sailed off with the song "darker blue lines" by the wedding party, a perfect ending to find oneself on her feet, swaying to the particular song....the night itself was thrilling....contributing my music to this faithfully attentive crowd drilled nerves into my voice, but the desire to add my own thread to this artwork overwhelmed that, and it was a beautiful night to sing....indeed, it twas a beautiful night to sing...thankyou...

wink ;)

it's been entirely too long of a stretch since I last blogged...usually it's an escape from the clutter in my head, a chance to get something out that needs to be spilled...and it's not like I haven't thought about things lately but nothing's really pulled me towards the keyboard...so I'm blogging merely for the sake of blogging and I suppose I'll just write w/e comes to mind..

The 3 beans diagram from Winking Circle has stuck with me, especially the concept of being a fool....I think lots of times I'm afraid to step out and be a fool, minus the occasional blonde moments and it was quite refreshing last night to find myself surrounded by my colourful friends, unashamedly sporting their wigs/crazy eyes/and cruising around on their insanely decorated art bikes...I like the idea of being weird to live in the moment and doing w/e really crosses your mind such as dancing on street corners...after leaving the group Jay attempted a few times to pull me into swing-dancing mode and for all of my desire to just let go, there was something about the city and all its people that made me hold back...a fear to look just a little bit silly maybe...but why? the city is amazingly packed with faces and while it's so easy to fear reactions from them, is it really that likely that you will ever see them after that passing silly moment? prolly not and yet my self-conscious nature would not let my goofiness break out...sigh...it's really not as hard as I'm making it out to be is it? I want to redeem every part of my day....I won't ever have a July 1st, 2006 Saturday again---I can't just let it skim by...so from here on...I will do w/e I feel compelled to....and right now I feel compelled tooooooo............uhh......get offline....and so it begins