sustain me Father

due to a amazingly beautiful conversation that I just had with my friend Heather, my heart is wielding revelations that need to be said....it was one of those conversations where God enters into discussion and suddenly with every response, a new and fantastic thought is uncovered about His inscrutable love leaving your mind all breathless and energized at the same time..

we talked about man's love on its own (separate from God's pure love) and whether it can withstand anything...I was reading a book called "Searching for God knows what" by Donald Miller and he discusses the fall of mankind and its effect on our sense of love...basically, before the fall, Adam and Eve were as intimately close to God as possible--their hearts were right out on the front lines before God and viceversa...after the fall however, the break of that intimacy came from their betrayal and with that tear in the relationship, there was room for fears and doubts and insecurities to crawl in....

when I have those seemingly rare and beautiful moments where my eyes hold noone's gaze but Jesus's, I feel right...no right as in right or wrong but right as in this is how it is meant to be...sooner or later that moment is broken into by my weak flesh but it is in those times that I feel fully sustained---in no need of anyone else's love to approve me or validate me...because God' s love is so pure that it does not draw our eyes to ourselves but to Him and in all His glory, how can we feel insecurity when all His essence reflects security...

Heather and I were asking ourselves if we can feel satisfied on this earth when in close contact with Jesus as such....I personally feel that even when glorifying God on this earth, He never asks us to be fully satisfied...I'll try to explain my earlier thought process..there's a verse that came to mind from the Bible, encouraging us to 'long for the pure milk of the Word, so that by it we may grow in respect to salvation' 1Peter 2:2........comparing us to newborn babies and the thought occured to me from this that milk is made to sustain us and sustain suddenly took on a new strength in my mind because we are encouraged to grow and what is growth really but something that is consistently occuring...satisfaction implies that we have reached an goal, an end of some sort that we were striving for...to be sustained implies to me that God desires us to keep learning about Him, keep growing in His knowledge, keep on loving Him through the rough times and the good and there is no ultimate satisfaction in this and that is OK....

I imagine that in coming from Heaven and all it's perfect beauty, Jesus did not feel complete on earth or satisfied until He completed His Father's work and returned to Heaven...I don't presume to have a full theological understanding of Jesus's time on earth, but from glimpses here and there that the Bible gives us I feel that to be sustained, (or provided for as my Bible termed it in the Concordance) is the closest and most intimate level that God can give us...I believe in Heaven, we will feel satisfaction unlike anything we've ever known and I can not wait for that day but I think on this earth, in this time, here, today, God wants to sustain us in our growth as we move towards Him over and over and over...

when I examine my own relationship with Jay or even with friends, I see a love that binds us as strong as we know...but on its own, this love can be breached by fears and worries and doubts that will continually attack our relationships borders....but when I move this relationship to a different setting in my mind, where both of our hearts and eyes and seeking to be fixated on Jesus, I see a hope for a love that is stronger than what we hold---when filtered through God's knowledge of how a relationship should be, it is a love purely of Jesus that can sustain our relationship here on earth...when I think about this picture in my mind, of these relationships with my family and friends and especially with Jay that I treasure the most right now being threaded to a relationship with a God of love---that picture is where I find security, sustination and a true sense of being provided for...God bless...