just one strand

fragile.
like an eggshell.
already I see the cracks forming. spreading.
and I can't stop them.

transparent.
like plastic. if only I were hard as glass.
then you could not bend me.
but perhaps you'd break me.

knotted like rope.
or two small fists.
not willing to unfurl myself.
it's too vulnerable. not safe.

lost.
in this mess.
how did it get so huge?
there was just one strand.
and then another.
and another.

desperate.
can't turn my back.
at least not fully.
can't love God and abandon love.
they don't co-exist.
unless I play by my rules.
but I won't.

fill me.
my cries feel empty.
but only You can change that.

You who gave breath.
who created with a word.
who saw beauty before it existed.
You who brought light into the darkest place.
next to you, there is only light.

only You can strengthen the fragile.
affirm the transparent.
undo the knotted.
find the lost.
save the desperate.

fill me Jesus. fill me God.
I lay my burdens at Your feet.