There is something incredibly powerful about the feeling that you have just brushed shoulders with God. At the surface you may appear unchanged--unmoved--save that small smile that has begun to creep across your face. But underneath the surface your emotions are quivering with the sense that something beautiful and powerful has just crossed your path.
I had the privilege of this honour recently during a conversation with a Christian Blind Mission donor who called in because God had been tugging on her heartstrings. At first the conversation seemed that it would just be another "call in, give a donation, thank you, God Bless you, farewell." But I was invited into something much greater. This particular donor--Marion*--told me that she was moved to give to Christian Blind Mission because she knew what it was to be legally blind and then partially blind. Now before you start thinking what's wrong with that sentence--I'll tell you that you probably presume I meant partially and THEN legally blind. But just wait a minute--this is the magic of Marion's story.
Marion shared with me that earlier in her life during a medical examination something had happened that had caused her to lose her vision completely. A few years later she was visiting her friend who was going through a very difficult time. She was led into her friend's house as she could not see at all, and was sitting down beside her friend. At this time she had been praying fervently that God would grant her sight because she wanted to be able to help her friend through the mourning process--specifically she wanted to write some cards for her friend who was too distraught at the time to do so. Marion had a firm belief as she was praying that God would grant her sight back to her.
As only God can do---He answered this prayer. Marion told me that after she prayed this at her friend's house her sight came back completely in one of her eyes (I think it was her right but I'm not completely sure.)Talk about a modern-day miracle! Praise God! Marion informed me that though she is 87 now she has enough sight to be able to drive back and forth from her friends' houses. At this point I was reminded of that story in the Bible where Jesus rubs mud in a blind man's eyes and heals him. Jesus makes the statement that this was done so that God may be glorified. When I mentioned this to Marion--she was thrilled to reply that God has been glorified in a huge and powerful sense as she has shared this story whenever she felt compelled to do so.
Marion then asked if I wouldn't mind hearing another story that truly spoke of God's glory. By this time I was so enthralled--I would have been happy to sit at this wonderful woman's feet and listen for hours. But listening on the phone seemed like the next best thing...
Marion told me that few years before God gave her eyesight back, she was in the hospital giving birth to a child. It was a complicated birth and the child died. The doctor told Marion's husband that he didn't think Marion would make it. Marion was unaware of all this as she was in such a bad state medically. She was in the hospital bed with the nurse beside her when suddenly she saw Jesus walk into the room and up to her bed. (Keep in mind Marion was legally blind at this time.) She couldn't see anything else but she could see Jesus. She said he had such a face of compassion--she was overwhelmed with the sense of His love for her. Marion said to the nurse, "Tell my husband Jesus is here for me and I'm going to go with him." Immediately after she said this, Marion heard Jesus say, "Not now my child, not now." And at this he backed away and left the room and everything was dark again. Soon after this Marion recovered and a few years down the road had the incredible experience of regaining partial sight.
Now for the skeptics out there--I pray skepticism doesn't keep you from believing these incredible miracles. Marion said she doesn't share this story with just anyone but that she really believed that to see Jesus you have to fully believe that He is the Son of God--that He is real.
Marion then asked if she could pray for me and for a few moments we sat in God's presence and spoke with Him out loud. It was truly an amazing experience both during the conversation and after.
I confess I struggled to write this because I left it for a couple days. But I was re-inspired today after a phone call conversation with a donor who just really needed to hear God's incredible love for her. After praying for her I had the sense again that I had just brushed shoulders with God. I have realized through both these experiences and a lifetime of seeing God move, that whether you are the one doing the praying or being prayed for---God will show up on both accounts in a powerfully provoking way.
God bless you today and I encourage you to seek God out--to ask Him to show up and speak to your heart. And if you do--I truly believe He will.
*Marion gave me permission to use her name in telling her story.*
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
uncomfortable with my own limitations
I got the opportunity to visit a place/organization in Toronto known as L'Arche. It is a collection of group homes run for people with disabilities. I work for cbm (an organization that provides aid to disabled people in developing countries). Cbm HR decided we needed to get out there and experience the joy of meeting people with disabilities so that we understand the core reason for why cbm is run....
To preface this--my aunt Hilary is very involved in a group at her church of people with 'disabilities' and is always saying how full of life they are and how she loves that they are so genuine and open to who you are as a person. there is no sense of status with people with developmental disabilities--it doesn't matter who you are as long as you have community with them.
Personally I have never felt comfortable around people with developmental disabilities and I attribute this purely to the gap of the unfamiliar and my own selfish tendencies to stick with what I know..I will elaborate more on this in a moment.
When we got to L'Arche we had the opportunity to watch a couple videos showing the stories of 2 of the core group members. As I watched I got this sense of --this is a world I would like to live it--where beauty is so evident in people and the power of living out of your vulnerability and loving others out of your vulnerability is so rare. Our world is so wrapped around self-consciousness and the idea that we have to live up to others' expectations that we are drowning. We are so chained to our perceptions of what is appropriate as far as social norms go and what is normal--we study how to look like everyone else but how to rise above others. how to fit in but how to give ourselves statuses. And all these thoughts came just from the videos before we even met the people.
At 7pm we went upstairs to the community worship--a chance for people from all types of faiths and walks of life to come together and celebrate and bless each other simply with our presence. tonight we celebrated in Jewish fashion the new year. I can't remember the terms but that was the essence of it. We sang hauntingly beautiful songs about God and shared bread and apples and honey together. At one point people got up and danced and it didn't matter whether they were in a wheel chair or whatever --they had the freedom to get up and celebrate--no self conscious inhibitions to hold them back. i watched them and thought to myself of the awkwardness I would feel to put myself out there like that and I was envious of their beautiful freedom.
To elaborate on my limitations that I mentioned earlier...I found myself sitting next to a lovely petite woman named Ellen. She was in her 30's and had twisted in her chair towards me the whole time and was moving her hands around alot. I felt so trapped by my lack of knowledge of her--how to tap into what she liked, what she meant when she touched her finger to her cheek, what she was feeling---all this I craved to tap into and I found myself drawn by this desire to really know her. at the same time I was conflicted by feeling uneasy--my social norm tells me to catch someone's eye and smile and talk to them and i found it difficult that she would not hold eye contact. i felt my smile was forced and I saw instantly that I was the 'disabled' one unable to just talk to someone freely without focusing on the physical...what to say? I had no idea and felt so uncomfortable at my lack of knowledge. this thought made me realize why people don't invest in people with 'disabilities' . its because we are confronted so drastically with our own shallow tendencies and limitations that we often let that pass to the "dedicated individuals who have found their passion helping people". ..
but this is the key thing..the stirring in my heart that made me want to not just accept my limitations but challenged me to look for other places to meet wonderful people like this and tap into their giftings, their joys---this stirring I believe is evidence of Christ in me...Jesus was drawn to the blind, the lame, the poor, the widow---He had a real joy reaching into people's hearts and celebrating in them. And I want that. I truly do.
To preface this--my aunt Hilary is very involved in a group at her church of people with 'disabilities' and is always saying how full of life they are and how she loves that they are so genuine and open to who you are as a person. there is no sense of status with people with developmental disabilities--it doesn't matter who you are as long as you have community with them.
Personally I have never felt comfortable around people with developmental disabilities and I attribute this purely to the gap of the unfamiliar and my own selfish tendencies to stick with what I know..I will elaborate more on this in a moment.
When we got to L'Arche we had the opportunity to watch a couple videos showing the stories of 2 of the core group members. As I watched I got this sense of --this is a world I would like to live it--where beauty is so evident in people and the power of living out of your vulnerability and loving others out of your vulnerability is so rare. Our world is so wrapped around self-consciousness and the idea that we have to live up to others' expectations that we are drowning. We are so chained to our perceptions of what is appropriate as far as social norms go and what is normal--we study how to look like everyone else but how to rise above others. how to fit in but how to give ourselves statuses. And all these thoughts came just from the videos before we even met the people.
At 7pm we went upstairs to the community worship--a chance for people from all types of faiths and walks of life to come together and celebrate and bless each other simply with our presence. tonight we celebrated in Jewish fashion the new year. I can't remember the terms but that was the essence of it. We sang hauntingly beautiful songs about God and shared bread and apples and honey together. At one point people got up and danced and it didn't matter whether they were in a wheel chair or whatever --they had the freedom to get up and celebrate--no self conscious inhibitions to hold them back. i watched them and thought to myself of the awkwardness I would feel to put myself out there like that and I was envious of their beautiful freedom.
To elaborate on my limitations that I mentioned earlier...I found myself sitting next to a lovely petite woman named Ellen. She was in her 30's and had twisted in her chair towards me the whole time and was moving her hands around alot. I felt so trapped by my lack of knowledge of her--how to tap into what she liked, what she meant when she touched her finger to her cheek, what she was feeling---all this I craved to tap into and I found myself drawn by this desire to really know her. at the same time I was conflicted by feeling uneasy--my social norm tells me to catch someone's eye and smile and talk to them and i found it difficult that she would not hold eye contact. i felt my smile was forced and I saw instantly that I was the 'disabled' one unable to just talk to someone freely without focusing on the physical...what to say? I had no idea and felt so uncomfortable at my lack of knowledge. this thought made me realize why people don't invest in people with 'disabilities' . its because we are confronted so drastically with our own shallow tendencies and limitations that we often let that pass to the "dedicated individuals who have found their passion helping people". ..
but this is the key thing..the stirring in my heart that made me want to not just accept my limitations but challenged me to look for other places to meet wonderful people like this and tap into their giftings, their joys---this stirring I believe is evidence of Christ in me...Jesus was drawn to the blind, the lame, the poor, the widow---He had a real joy reaching into people's hearts and celebrating in them. And I want that. I truly do.
Monday, May 17, 2010
reminiscing...
wow...I came back onto my blog to add copy and paste a entry from my facebook page because my last post was pretty depressing and I started reading back through old entries and peoples comments and it's like I had forgotten this side of me..this part of me that loves writing and expressing myself and pouring out my thoughts about my relationship with God. it's different from writing in my journal--those are more specific. but when I start writing online it's like my thoughts are tripping over themselves to get out of my head and it's so incredibly freeing. it is so cool to read back over these memories that I'd forgotten happened. its funny I forget actual events easily but when I read my entries I can remember exactly how I felt and usually where i was in my life when I was writing that. anyways all this to say that I have been firmly reminded of this love for writing and I am not going to let this blog fizzle out again. I still have much to say and want to glorify God as much as I can with my words...
God designed you with intention
I was scanning through some msn articles and found an article titled "How to always look amazing in photography". this could be good I thought seeing as most of the times I consciously try to pose in photos--it doesn't really work well... so I'm scanning through and I find this quote:
"Be proud of your freckles, goofy teeth, or big ears—they're what make you unique. When you're comfortable with yourself, it will always shine through. But hey, if all else fails, Photoshop!"
What a contradictory statement!!! Culture tells us to be proud of our bodies and features unique to us but if we don't like it then all we have to do is tuck, and pull, and pinch, and color our faces on a program and voila---a whole new you. Only it isn't you at all--more an "idealized image" of something you think you should resemble.
You know when you walk into the mall and you pass the makeup counter and it looks as though the saleswoman has turned her face into a paint pallet by applying everything she is selling on her face. my sister has these big beautiful green eyes and I remember one time she went and got her eyes done for prom and came back with this "hooker" look. I told her as much and though she didn't care much for my advice I found myself annoyed because her natural beauty was being hidden behind this fake "idealized" beauty.
my husband likes me best with no make up on. it doesn't seem to make a difference to him although to me sometimes it's a vanity thing. even tho I buy the cheap walmart stuff that doesn't do anything for your face, it's like this silly security thing that I can't even explain or justify. I wonder if guys are shocked when they meet girls that they've seen through facebook that look nothing like their pictures. I've heard brides say they don't want to wear much makeup because when they wake up in the morning their husbands might not recognize them.
I am writing to any girl/woman that I know because I KNOW that we are faced on a regular basis with images that are unrealistic photos of normal, healthy, beautiful girls/women. This statement telling us to be proud of our features but if all else fails to photoshop is a load of crap.
God designed you with intention just like he designed that gorgeous sunset or string of mountains. He knows everything about your body and loves everything about you. He knew exactly what he was doing and is incapable of making mistakes in his creation. In high school I spent alot of time frustrated with my figure--I would look at other girls and think why God could you not shape me like them. But God knew all along what he was doing when He created me--my personality, my figure, my small chest, you name it. And guess what--after all this second guessing my looks and wasting time day dreaming of what I could look like---God brought my husband into my life. Jay is not the type to settle--he has high standards and knew exactly what he wanted in a girl (ask his sister--he had specifics). And wonder of wonders--I fit right into his concept of what he wanted in a wife. If God had granted a sudden change in my looks I could have had a completely different life...but thank God that He knows better than my silly requests.
But before you go thinking that it took a guy to make me feel confident I'll have you know that I met Jay when I wasn't looking for anyone. I was pursuing an avid relationship with God and falling in love with him for the first time and finding fulfillment in that....when you know who you are in Christ---loved and valued and beautiful and you believe it---you find a confidence that will not be shaken. sure you have your moments here and there when you go back to your previous way of thinking but you have to consciously stop and as my friend jules reminded me---take every thought captive (meaning bring it before God and ask him--is this true--what I think about myself?) and God will give you discernment.
I really feel for girls/women that get caught up in this concept of image control and making sure they are perceived a certain way when all along they are so hungry for affirmation and fulfillment and contentment in who they are. I went looking for some verses to back me up in my statements and these are some ones I found... God Bless...
Ps 139:13-16 (The Message)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
Proverbs 31:30 (The Message)
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
1 Peter 3: 1-4 (The Message)
The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.
4-6Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
"Be proud of your freckles, goofy teeth, or big ears—they're what make you unique. When you're comfortable with yourself, it will always shine through. But hey, if all else fails, Photoshop!"
What a contradictory statement!!! Culture tells us to be proud of our bodies and features unique to us but if we don't like it then all we have to do is tuck, and pull, and pinch, and color our faces on a program and voila---a whole new you. Only it isn't you at all--more an "idealized image" of something you think you should resemble.
You know when you walk into the mall and you pass the makeup counter and it looks as though the saleswoman has turned her face into a paint pallet by applying everything she is selling on her face. my sister has these big beautiful green eyes and I remember one time she went and got her eyes done for prom and came back with this "hooker" look. I told her as much and though she didn't care much for my advice I found myself annoyed because her natural beauty was being hidden behind this fake "idealized" beauty.
my husband likes me best with no make up on. it doesn't seem to make a difference to him although to me sometimes it's a vanity thing. even tho I buy the cheap walmart stuff that doesn't do anything for your face, it's like this silly security thing that I can't even explain or justify. I wonder if guys are shocked when they meet girls that they've seen through facebook that look nothing like their pictures. I've heard brides say they don't want to wear much makeup because when they wake up in the morning their husbands might not recognize them.
I am writing to any girl/woman that I know because I KNOW that we are faced on a regular basis with images that are unrealistic photos of normal, healthy, beautiful girls/women. This statement telling us to be proud of our features but if all else fails to photoshop is a load of crap.
God designed you with intention just like he designed that gorgeous sunset or string of mountains. He knows everything about your body and loves everything about you. He knew exactly what he was doing and is incapable of making mistakes in his creation. In high school I spent alot of time frustrated with my figure--I would look at other girls and think why God could you not shape me like them. But God knew all along what he was doing when He created me--my personality, my figure, my small chest, you name it. And guess what--after all this second guessing my looks and wasting time day dreaming of what I could look like---God brought my husband into my life. Jay is not the type to settle--he has high standards and knew exactly what he wanted in a girl (ask his sister--he had specifics). And wonder of wonders--I fit right into his concept of what he wanted in a wife. If God had granted a sudden change in my looks I could have had a completely different life...but thank God that He knows better than my silly requests.
But before you go thinking that it took a guy to make me feel confident I'll have you know that I met Jay when I wasn't looking for anyone. I was pursuing an avid relationship with God and falling in love with him for the first time and finding fulfillment in that....when you know who you are in Christ---loved and valued and beautiful and you believe it---you find a confidence that will not be shaken. sure you have your moments here and there when you go back to your previous way of thinking but you have to consciously stop and as my friend jules reminded me---take every thought captive (meaning bring it before God and ask him--is this true--what I think about myself?) and God will give you discernment.
I really feel for girls/women that get caught up in this concept of image control and making sure they are perceived a certain way when all along they are so hungry for affirmation and fulfillment and contentment in who they are. I went looking for some verses to back me up in my statements and these are some ones I found... God Bless...
Ps 139:13-16 (The Message)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
Proverbs 31:30 (The Message)
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
1 Peter 3: 1-4 (The Message)
The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.
4-6Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
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