tackled by God again

I love how God will tackle me when noone will...
it's true...I had been complaining to a friend about the worship music at my church..it was droning, I felt like I was falling asleep/dying...blah, etc...I know deep down church does NOT rely on the music to meet God...I came to understand that last year through a church full of old people, and sometimes painful music..at first I went searching for the 'young, new, thriving church' with the cool music...but then I found one that blew me away...sure the pastor's wife would stand at the front and sing loudly in a (off-key) high-pitched voice...but the pastor was utterly and completely in love with God and it was through that love practiced in the church that God really challenged me then..so I know church is not about the hip music...but music is such a huge part of my life and to go to church dreading worship time really bothered me.

...but then...it happened....God tackled me big time...like in those rugby matches where a bunch of fellas in too- short shorts grab each other and throw themselves in a huge pile, like sumo wrestlers, like jackie chan...God pretty much tackled me like those things combined..maybe a funny picture but still...here's the thing... I must SURRENDER....God's tricky like that cuz surrending covers everything: trust, failures, regrets, successes, joys, pains, faith, rebellion, anger, hate...yea he pretty much can sideswipe us with that one word: surrender... our pastor spoke on Psalm 28 and it basically sumarizes the gist of all of my songs (so I fully related)...it took on a course of 'I fail>cry to God for help>I surrender>God calls me to do something hard (like forgive enemies)>God blesses me through that>=trust and a rescue by my Savior>God help me to bless other people>God please bless other people.

so it makes sense...and yet we question God so much...so so much...but that passage is basically the story of my life repeating over and over...our pastor focuses on verse 2 that says, '...I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary'....usually in church people hold up their hands right? I feel pretty dumb doing it sometimes...I dunno..there's something uncomfortable about sticking my hands up in front of me while singing...but this verse puts it completely into perspective because by lifting our hands to God , we are implying that we surrender...actually we're proclaiming it..putting our hands up in a sense of release...like when the police yell 'stick your hands up' and you do it out of defeat, out of a sense that you can't do anything for yourself in that postition'....well I am not saying God is a cop, but can't you see! when we put up our hands, it's exclaiming that we are defeated without God...even when things are going swell..God calls us to surrender...it's such a beautiful picture to me....

so God gave me this idea of surrender on sunday and then on monday I went to a worship time at my school and one of the songs was surrender and I felt like God had tackled me all over again...not because I was doing anything wrong but because He refused to leave me with an order and then move on...and He's still doing it...calling me to surrender....and when noone else will, God will tackle me...and I thank Him for that.
'The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him.' Psalm 28: 7
God bless!

daydreaming

if anyone feels the urge to buy me a hammock, feel free to indulge because I would be absolutely delighted...craving summer....when we move into our new house I plan to find my own little spot tucked away in the woods...somewhere I can slip away to with my guitar, pen, and a blank sheet of paper....already found a reading tree that is shaped a bit like a chair...ohh I can't wait...photography escapades...summer skirts...midnight adventures...bare feet digging into sand...the ocean at night...road trips to anywhere and everywhere...dance parties in the field...strawberries...absolute freedom...jam sessions...sun on bare skin...hammock naps in the shade...maybe some romance...who knows...my birthday...sigh...getting quite happily lost in all of this daydreaming...care to join in? ohh...how long till summer beckons....

5 absurdities as requested

5 things about me that people may find absurd:

1)I have a stomach roll named Frederick.

2)One of my fav memories involves a fresh/crusty cow poo fight in England..it was an all out war...(amazing!) and after we jumped in a freezing cold river..(if anyone is up for challenge I'd do it again any day)...

3)I have been known to sleepwalk and climb into other peoples' beds, convinced that it was my bed.

4)If I'm in a mall with no $, and there are slopes, I find great joy in grabbing some pantyhose socks from the shoe store, wrapping them over my shoes, and
running and sliding to my heart's content.

5)When in a bathroom with plenty of extra rolls of tp, I enjoy starting wars by chucking them at other unsuspecting people in other stalls...(this became a tradition with my roomate Karin last year...)

there you are, if I think of more of if you think of more, let the writing begin!

and all that Jazz..

a slender voice
low, smoothly coated
glossy with a hint of a purr
ripples its way through the song
it begins slowly
twining itself around the listener,
a sandy lining to a silk dress
brushing up against the skin,
it entices both the wearer and the observer
confidence grasped
the notes take color
streaks that stroke the imagination
taking flight
and then at its peak--an ivory tip tinged with gold,
it pulls you into a state of longing
and slipping back down it settles
dust that alights all over your body
but you are ignorant to the feel of it
only aware of the enchantment you were under

run, Forest, run..

my sight is cloaked by darkness
like a thick veil it distorts the figures before me
the road is barely visible
yet its presence become painfully obvious after a single word-- run.
there's something compelling about the feel of our morning escapade
the blackness pulls you in, grasping at your jacket
replacing your shudders at the chill with a pounding heart
accompanied by quick intakes of breath--
this crisp morning air that seems possible to crumple & crack at the pressure of your fingertips
and so you soak it in gratefully, no longer thinking of the cold
but rather the muscles that are screaming at you 'Why?!'
& the sleep-induced brain that's trying to yell 'Bed!' over the din
so I wonder why I do it
maybe its the rare moments I find beautiful & still
like when a line of blurred figures become a string of silent shadows,
silouhetted against the trees when a car creeps up from behind--
sometimes I find myself running to catch the sunrise
an anticipated beauty, untamed, & the magic of a few glimpses through the trees spurs me on
eager to obtain the colours, to end my run with the perfect backdrop
leaving just enough room for the bright revelations of a new day

the death of something lovely...

Jesus I miss you...your warmth...this longing may seem threadbare at times but part of me wants to keep it tucked away...just in case...just in case we fall in love again...see it's been awhile since I've really loved you...love is patient as you say...well my patience has an edge to it...I suppose I rub it up against my own walls too much...but there's something about you that smoothes over my roughness...my sarcasm...my futile attempts to be noticed...to be desired...something in this love that allows me to slip back into a place where noone notices & that is when you reach me...sometimes you reach into me..into this pool of mistakes & you select one...maybe small..maybe not..but you hold it up in front of me & next to you it looks so insignificant & before I can name it, it crumbles into dust...love forgives...I know you've forgiven me...so many burdens I've clung onto for hours or even years until you unclenched my fists & held me as I let out all the breath in me...shoulders shaking...& yet have I really forgiven myself? perhaps I pose this question in an effort to explain my regrets...but love does not hold grudges...so why do I delay you from this freedom you offer me...sometimes its as if I'm in mourning...as if something lovely has died...Jesus I miss being in love with you...I can't even define myself..this shadow I step into out of complacency...or perhaps open rebellion...you were a rebel once...perhaps you still are...compel me Father...your love is unresistable when I stop resisting...love me

dare me to move

before you switchfoot-lovers correct me, let me explain...was listening to switchfoot sing the line 'I dare you to move like today's never happened before'....man it's tru tho...today has never happened before and never will again..and yet we breeze on thru it, looking forward to the next best thing...the next rewarding moment...but who says we should sit around waiting for it...that's why I implore you...challenge me! dare me to move! I certainly challenge you because who cares whether life is short or long...today has never happened before...we know we're all sick of meaningless internet convos, the occasionally brush of 'hi how are yous ' so man, step out..dare me to move...
..in the words of my good friends, 'Baumer' >"I don't want to wait, hoping for the perfect day, wasting everything I have right now..."

unrelenting pride

its weird what something so stupid as pride can do to you..there's no denying the blame I'm shouldering is a result of my own stubborn self..pride insists on separating you.. in fact it can quite happily shut you off in a corner to contemplate all the way you've fallen on your face, and yet refuse to release you despite your open admittance of it..sometimes pride will surface from the smallest thing, the tiniest splinter that could have been plucked out in an instant but instead you allow it to drag you through a series of thorns, leaving you in a worst state & state of mind than before..pride can place you off to a far side of a room filled with friends, stamp the words 'go away' on your forehead, & convince you that this is normal..& necessary..you give into the temptation of the emotionally loud music, deafening what's left of your conscious self.. pitifully protesting a silent arguement, that noone else could possibly understand this brute of a box you've trapped yourself in..pride is a snare..in fact, I wouldn't recommend holding onto it..ever..if you do however insist on indulging, avoid the music, the corner, open your Bible for a healthy slap of sense upside your thick head..or I guarantee solid walls will spring up & you will find yourself on an endless rampage of thought much like the one I'm entertaining at this moment--oh I've been interupted..thank God...see..pride..is..a..waste..of..time.. .

why God should come between..

it's quite sad I've found how both guys and girls treat their friendships as affirmations in a sense..it's not to imply that all friendships are this way..but from past experience, I used to use my friendships with guys to affirm me as a woman, to make me feel wanted through a bit of what I termed as harmless flirtation..but it wasn't something harmless because it took my focus off a completely different relationship..the one with my Lord and Savior.. a conversation with a friend who was struggling with his girlfriend because of some harmless flirtation, kinda spoke to me becuz I realized that my old reaction (sadly) would have been probably to call him up and flirt and try to comfort him by slipping in a usable verse or two...on the other hand, now that I've fallen for Christ, I can't quite figure out how a relationship could even work with somehow my concentration and love remaining on Christ alone...so I think God gives us a medium..a 3 chord strand as He puts it..becuz we can't do without him and yet in any friendship He has to be in between...so that's my focus at this point in time...correct me if I'm wrong..God bless...